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My StoryRock BottomI was stuck, going nowhere. Dreams and ideas for the future? Almost nil. It was as if I had shut off the valve to what my heart desired. That’s because I believed I really couldn’t achieve what I wanted. So, it was easier not to dream, not to dare. In 1999 I went through a divorce as well as leaving a career in pastoral ministry. I felt I couldn’t serve the church as I needed to. I isolated myself from some nice people who tried to reach out to me during the process. Perhaps I was too embarrassed (or too proud) to accept their emotional support. De-valuing My Self-WorthFrom then on, I made poor decision after poor decision. It was a reflection of how confused I was and that I had lost my purpose. I chose jobs that were way under my education and skill level, but again, those choices were a reflection of how I felt about myself. There were times when I had no money left. Once, I was so broke that I kept eating food samples at a supermarket to the point where I thought for sure they were going to kick me out for freeloading. I didn’t care. I was hungry. Eventually, I started to work in the lighting business. Yes, well under what I could do, but at least somewhat consistent. There were times I averaged working 70+ hours a week including delivering pizza and being a door man at a bar on Saturday nights (those were 18 hours Saturdays which followed 12 hour Thursdays and 12 hour Fridays). But, since my kids got their child support, it was worth the struggle. Spiritually, I was pretty much dead inside, wondering if I could ever have the vibrant inner life I felt I had years before. Instead of determining what I wanted, I was simply reacting to the circumstances that came my way. The Passion Was Stirring InsideHowever, there were times I was able to reflect upon and then express deep longings from my heart. I had always loved survival stories and the story of Sir Ernest Shackleton and the Endurance became a symbol of how I felt deep inside. That story had to do with surviving incredible cold and misery near the South Pole. It was if my purpose, my dreams, my passion were frozen inside. Like Shackleton and his crew, I was trying to find my way home.I wrote a children’s story about the Endurance as well as several others. I did it for no other reason than it brought me life. I even wrote a story called Bumblebee’s Great Journey, a story of how a bumblebee lost his garden and had to fly many, many miles, sometimes against the wind and through rain before he found the garden that a butterfly told him about. Of course, since my last name in French literally means “bumblebee,” you can guess that it was actually an emotional autobiography (one day I will post it on this site). The Discovery That Changed My Life It was January 2007 when I found a book that brought so much together for me as well as opening both my heart and mind to hope, purpose and direction. I’ve mentioned and quoted the book many times on this site, The Master Key System, by Charles F Haanel. Though The Master Key System (written in 1912!) was one of the first books ever to mention the term “Law of Attraction,” it involved so much more than simply attracting things. It’s focus is becoming a person of clear purpose and direction by utilizing universal principles and learning to create what you desire by changing your thinking. Those words and concepts energized me. I must have read the first 5-6 chapters dozens of times. It was if I had coming out of the frozen state I was in and emerging into a delightful place of hope, clarity and confidence. The Vacation That Brought Me PurposeThat summer I had planned a vacation at a lovely cottage over looking a stunning view of Lake Canandaigua in the Finger Lakes of New York with a lady I was dating. But, we broke up before the trip. Nevertheless, I went to that cottage and every morning with my coffee, banana bread with raspberry jam, I would devour more of the Master Key System. It was during that week that I wrote out a statement of who I wanted to be which was actually who I was already becoming. It took me several months to revise and sharpen it, but here it is: It was no small matter that I was beginning to dream and hope again. That valve that I had shut off years before was now opening. It was if I had been through a resurrection of my feelings. Here’s what I wanted; to write about something that I was experiencing inside. Later on, I added that I desired to encourage and equip people to become self-directed individuals who would determine the level of their happiness and prosperity. But, how was I going to do all that? That’s when I re-discovered Site Build It! I say “re-discovered” because I had read about SBI! A few years back. Its concepts and strategy sounded most attractive. But then, I wasn’t at a place where I could use it. This time, I was ready for it. I am so excited that I can determine how I feel each day. Frankly, I decide on a daily basis that I am a happy man and won’t settle for anything less. SBI has enabled me to express my passion. I love the Law of Attraction principles. I love writing about them. I love receiving e-mails from people who have been encouraged and lifted by what I’ve written. It was my desire on this site to be authentic and practical. When I received an e-mail from someone who expressed how she could feel the genuine sincerity in what I wrote, I was ecstatic. I am headed in the direction where the site will produce excellent income. I have been building a base of good content that people need. I have friends and colleagues such as a ballerina from Mexico, and a therapist from Australia who encourage and support me as I do them. Through SBI! I have doors opened to the world. I’ve worked hard at becoming the right person, headed in the right direction. SBI! Is the right vehicle, the right ship, if you will, that is moving me closer to my dreams, and in fact, taking me home.
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As I write this in late March, 2009, I will soon send out my first newsletter/ezine. It will be another important step in my desire to encourage and equip people. I am also gaining momentum toward my ultimate goal of becoming my own business, where my mind, heart and spirit are my greatest resources, where I can eventually teach and lead people into a happy and prosperous life through the Law of Attraction.
